her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
