It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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