End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Btw I puked in your glovebox
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
