She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
