Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
