Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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