WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
