When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
home. puking in laundry basket.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
