i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
