you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
