living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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