i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
