best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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