I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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