I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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