did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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