he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
