My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
sex in a hospital.. check
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
