Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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