You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
