I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
