You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How naked do you want me to be?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
