He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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