Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
