Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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