Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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