I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
