She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
