you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
