Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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