just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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