my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
