I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
