you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
