I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
