I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
