Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
