I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
