I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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