Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
