if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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