Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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