I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
