Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
