His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
