Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
