i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
