even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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