If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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