Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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