My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
