I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
